HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYBODY. There are, as usual, a bajillion ways to celebrate. Here are five:

Mortified: Doomed Valentine's
From the teenage boy whose diary entry read, "She wants it. I want to give it to her. But I don't know what it is"; to the kid who wrote a letter to his parents stating, "Dear Mom and Dad, I can't hack camp any longer. I got a cut on my penis when I flunked my canoe test!"; to all the cloying, yearning homages to heartthrob Corey Haim, Mortified is an event based on sharing all the artifacts of adolescence that, at said point of adolescence, would be totally mortifying to share. The series began in LA in the late Nineties, and has since spawned a documentary, a Sundance TV series, and two books, but the live "oversharing" event is still the heart of the operation. Join Mortified's latest cast of characters for a special Valentine's Day edition on Saturday, Feb. 9 at The Uptown, and don't forget to follow their recommendation to "bring your BFF." 7:30 p.m., $20. GetMortified.com/live — Azeen Ghorayshi

Trails and Ways
Oakland's Trails and Ways offers an escape from the winter blues with dreamy pop that incorporates genres such as Afrobeat, bossanova, and calypso, to name a few. The ambitious quartet has built a significant following with its singles and two EPs — including sincere covers of hits like Miguel's "Sure Thing" and M83's "Midnight City." Hype Machine recently named the band one of its "Most Blogged About Artists in 2012." Trails and Ways' show at The New Parish on Friday, Feb. 8, will be one of its last before the band heads to SXSW, where its buzz only stands to get bigger. The show is also an opportunity to catch Trails and Ways with its good friends Bells Atlas (formerly Bells) — so expect the bands' camaraderie to extend to the audience. They'll be joined by LA-based Incan Abraham and San Diego's Cuckoo Chaos. 9 p.m., $7, $10. TheNewParish.com — Whitney Phaneuf

Fermentation 101
Pickles are probiotic powerhouses that pair perfectly with everything from tempura to beer. Learn how to make them at Fermentation 101, a class at Sticky Art Lab on Sunday, Feb. 10. Holistic-health expert and instructor Nishanga Bliss will cover simple wild fermentation as well as fermenting with cultures. Students will prepare a fermented condiment using seasonal vegetables. Bring a knife and cutting board. 10 a.m., $35. 510-665-5509 or BiofuelOasis.com — Anneli Rufus

Introductions: New Artists at SLATE
Slate Contemporary's New Artists show functions as a teaser. Six new additions to the gallery's roster, plus two guests, each present one or two works, leaving a viewer aching for a look at their larger practice. Some of the stylistic voices here are familiar, like the architecturally suggestive abstract paintings by Maya Kabat. Others are unusual and beguiling, like Silvia Poloto's surreally distancing, matte-surface collage work; Daniella Woolf's tapestries of outmoded transactional documents (library cards, postcards, checks); and Alicia Woods' hand-spun baskets consisting of scavenged modern technologies like magnetic cassette tape and fiber optic cable. Perhaps the most exciting artist here is Richard Koci Hernandez, a rising star who has made a name for himself through dedication to iPhone photography. His grainy, noir-inspired snapshots faintly disturb by evoking surveillance, while at the same time showing how compositionally well formed a smartphone photo can be. One senses a polarizing force in this approach: in larger quantities it will prove either genius or revolting. Introductions: New Artists at SLATE runs through February 23 at Slate Contemporary. 510-652-4085 or SlateContemporary.com — Alex Bigman

Strictly Speaking: Ira Glass
Need we say more? On Sunday, Feb. 10, the host and creator of public radio's cherished This American Life will grace Zellerbach Hall with his cute nasaly voice and his penchant for storytelling. Don't miss out on what is guaranteed to be an evening filled with warm fuzzy feelings. 7 p.m., $30. CalPerfs.Berkeley.edu — A.G.

Plus...
Get your cheapskate on:
This is how much we love you guys: Here are our searchable listings of every single free event happening in the East Bay this weekend.

Feed Us: Got any East Bay news, events, video, or miscellany we should know about? Holler at us at Azeen.Ghorayshi@EastBayExpress.com.