Slap Hitter: A's time to hit the panic button


A week into the 2009 baseball season, and Oakland A's fans now have permission to start freaking out. After getting swept at home by the defending last place Seattle Mariners, it's a sky filled with black clouds followed grimly by Red Sox.

We'll ratchet up the anxiety a bullet point at a time:
-Our revamped offense fell asleep midway through most every game and all the way yesterday.
-Big off season pickup Matt Holiday has done nothing. Not in February, March or April. He has left a lot of guys on base though.
-Our patched together starters have done way better than they had any right to (and much like last year's crew over-performed big time through opening weeks) and still haven't won a game
-Our supposedly versatile bench has flopped spectacularly at the one thing benches ought to do, which is provide defensive assistance late. Bobby Crosby and Rajai Davis have cost us precious, precious runs forcing the bullpen to be on its best behavior, where....
-Closer Brad Ziegler who gave up no runs in his big league debut last year now gives up runs almost every time out there
-No one's coming to the games! We had the worst attendance in the entire major leagues yesterday on a beautiful holiday Sunday, the first weekend of the year, and still the irrelevant Golden State Warriors outdraw the A's by the thousands. This place is going like a ghost town.
-And now a perfect storm of abuse is on its way, the Boston Red Sox faithful will fill the Coliseum and beat our boys in volume and base hits.
It's time to hit the panic button, but the only guy I think might make contact is our one productive newbie, Nomar Garciaparra (giving the Sox fans something else to cheer about)— Kibby Kleiman