Rated PG-13 2005

This is a stunning piece of work -- stunningly inept, stunningly incoherent, stunningly awful in every way. Directed by Breck Eisner, son of Disney chief Michael Eisner, it looks like Donald Duck made it. The story, based on a novel by Clive Cussler, is such a messy tangle of twists and contrivances that for a good 45 minutes, Sahara doesn't make a bit of sense. What's most stunning is that Eisner and his army of screenwriters actually ejected some of Cussler's more ridiculous plot machinations and still found room for a James Bond-Indy Jones explorer (McConaughey) searching for a Civil War-era Confederate ironclad in the African desert, a World Health Organization doc (Penelope Cruz) searching for the source of a plague, and a creepy industrialist (Lambert Wilson) operating a toxic nuclear waste disposal plant in the middle of the desert. And did I mention the giant Civil War ship that ends up buried in the middle of Africa? No? Well, then, there ya go. Noise and nonsense.

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