It takes all of three minutes before Sharon Stone's grabbing some semi-conscious dude's finger and sticking it down her panties; all of four minutes before she's crashing her car through plate glass and drowning said dude in the Thames; and five minutes before David Thewlis is calling Stone "that cunt." Sounds promising, no? Alas, that's all the campy, brainless, self-loathing fun to be had in this inexplicable, overwrought sequel to the 1992 hit starring Stone and the wisely absent Michael Douglas, who's replaced here by a shrink played by David Morrissey. Directed by Michael Caton-Jones (Doc Hollywood) and co-written by The Believer's Henry Bean, this is turgid, convoluted stuff; the entire plot hinges on the seven-year-old actions of a character never even seen, only referenced again and again in a movie that'd rather talk than fuck. But to damn Basic Instinct 2 as dull would give it too much credit; it's such plodding, familiar tripe that you can't even muster the condescending sneer of the moviegoer who knows he's being fleeced.