Alone in the Dark

Rated R 2005

Stuffed with cheap thrills and familiar special effects, Uwe Boll's lame paranormal thriller (based on the best-selling video game) is about as scary as a Presbyterian bake sale. It stars a distressed-looking Christian Slater as a dauntless investigator of the occult who gets mixed up with an evil scientist (Mathew Walker) who's apparently implanted parasites in 20 orphans' spinal cords. For good measure, there's also a plague of metallic dragon-dog monsters with huge claws and a secret government SWAT team on the prowl for aliens. If that's not enough, the film's three screenwriters also try to work in some dense mumbo-jumbo about a vanished civilization called the Abkani, which is explained by expert anthropologist Tara Reid, who also manages to show us five inches of taut, perfectly tanned midriff. Here is the horror-action genre at its silliest and most uninspired.

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Alone in the Dark

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