Recently, I celebrated my first year of marriage to the most
amazing man. When we first began dating, he told me that he enjoys open
sexuality and wants swinging to be part of any partnership he’s in. I
regard myself as free-spirited and agreed to explore this with him. We
delayed experimentation because I had a stressful job and I wanted to
spend my limited free time with him instead of exploring our sexuality
with multiple partners. My work situation changed, and we have since
had about a dozen experiences in the past year. I have discovered that
these situations are not a turn-on for me — in fact, they are a
turnoff. I feel resentful after these episodes, and I don’t feel like
having sex for days. We have discussed this at length, and we have been
seeing a counselor. Recently, we had a civil discussion wherein we
discussed the possibility of him having these sexual experiences
without me, since I do not find them compelling. This idea appealed to
him. He proposed going to a sex party alone that very night.
Ever since then, I have been crushed by the prospect of my
husband having a sex life outside of our relationship. Since we met,
his sexuality has had an outward trajectory, rather than being
relationship centered. Having a healthy sexual relationship with him is
enough for me. He makes a good point that he has been straight about
his desire for this lifestyle since day one, but I am still frustrated
and horrified that my husband needs to have sex outside of our
marriage. I can’t help but feel hurt that I alone am not enough for
him.
I’d appreciate your straight, honest feedback on this.
Sex Best One On One
Straight, honest feedback: You are an idiot. Your husband informed
you in advance about the “outward trajectory” of his sexuality; you
knew going in that your husband could never be satisfied in a marriage
that didn’t involve “open sexuality” and swinging. Don’t come crying to
me now because the man you married wants to actually have sex with
other people. You knew that before you married him, SBOOO, because he
fucking told you so.
You’re unlikely to encounter a marriage counselor who’ll take your
husband’s side (nonmonogamy? boo!) over yours (monogamy? yay!), SBOOO,
so I’m going to aggressively come his defense: You’re never going to
convince your husband that one-on-one ought to be enough for him.
Sorry. You’re also going to have a hard time convincing him that you
didn’t deceive him in the run-up to this marriage. When he told you
that monogamy was a deal breaker, SBOOO, you replied that you were
“free-spirited” and willing to “explore.” But, alas, circumstances
beyond your control prevented you from embarking on any explorations
until after the wedding, and only then — only after he married
you — did you discover that your husband’s sexual interests both
frustrated and horrified.
How convenient.
Because if you’d been a little less stressed at work, SBOOO, maybe
you could’ve made time for a little swinging before the wedding. Then
you might’ve learned that nonmonogamy wasn’t for you and been able to
give this amazing man that information before he married your ass. Oh,
but your work schedule didn’t allow for premarital explorations, and
now this amazing man has to decide whether to go through the hell of a
divorce — knowing full well that he will be seen as the bad guy
by all your relatives and friends, and 99.99 percent of marriage
counselors — or give in to your emotional, sexual, and financial
blackmail.
Want more evidence that you weren’t negotiating with your husband in
good faith before the wedding, SBOOO? How about this: You aren’t
negotiating with him in good faith now. So you recently had “a civil
discussion” with him about the possibility of his going to sex parties
alone — how many uncivil discussions have you had? — but
then you were crushed when he wanted to take you up on this proposed
compromise. So once again he wants to fuck around, once again you agree
to his fucking around in principle, once again he proposes fucking
around in earnest, and once again you lose your shit — only this
time you go boohooing to an advice columnist and not a marriage
counselor.
Sorry, SBOOO, you picked the wrong columnist. You want and always
wanted a monogamous commitment. Free spirit, my ass. Your husband
didn’t and doesn’t. Don’t drag this out. You are — surprise!
— sexually incompatible. Divorce. Get it over with.
I’m in my twenties and have a loving girlfriend. We have
phenomenal sex, but I love anal sex and she doesn’t. We’ve done it many
times, but it’s always painful for her and that makes it less enjoyable
for me. Now every time I bring it up, she’s against it.
Off The Pot
Taking less enjoyment in anal sex when it causes your partner pain
— you are a gentleman, OTP. But chivalry requires more of you,
I’m afraid: Your girlfriend tried it and doesn’t like it, and you can’t
expect her to keep doing it. If you can’t live without the butt, break
up with the girlfriend. If you can’t live without the girlfriend, break
up with the butt.
I’m a male with submissive tendencies, and my wife decides when I
get to orgasm. We have sex regularly, but she only lets me ejaculate
occasionally. She finds that I’m more attentive to her now that we’re
doing “orgasm denial,” and I get to scratch my submissive itch. Ain’t
life grand?
Here’s my question: I enjoy pushing the limits, and I’ve gone as
long as six weeks without release. (We use a CB-6000 chastity cage on
my cock so I won’t succumb in a moment of weakness.) But I’m a little
concerned about the effects on my prostate. After several weeks of
denial, I leak precome when aroused. I’ve read that recent studies
showed that frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer.
Am I putting myself at greater risk by ejaculating so infrequently? Can
you ask your medical expert?
Loving Orgasms and Denial Every Day
Two orgasm-denial questions in two weeks — it’s officially a
trend! Can a Good Morning America segment be far behind?
“We still have very little idea what might cause or prevent prostate
cancer,” says Dr. Barak Gaster, associate professor of medicine at the
University of Washington and our resident medical expert. “There are
some clues — red meat, probably bad; vegetables, probably good;
vitamin E, probably not helpful — but we’re really still in the
dark.” And while most studies have shown frequent ejaculation to be
good for prostate health, one recent study out of the UK showed the
exact opposite.
So what should you do? Rely on the best-available study, advises
Gaster. “[That study] followed U.S. men for eight years and found that
those with the most ejaculations per month (more than 20) had a 30
percent lower risk of prostate cancer compared to those who were having
fewer per month (about five).” But there is good news in the study for
you, LOADED: “The 5 percent of men who reported having zero to three
per month appeared to have a lower risk for prostate cancer as well,”
said Gaster. “The caveat is that this group was too small to make
definite conclusions about them. But it looks like coming more than 20
times a month could be good for you in terms of prostate cancer, but
it’s unlikely that coming very little, like zero to three times per
month, is necessarily bad for you compared to coming once or twice a
week.”
So ejaculate frequently, guys, or ejaculate rarely, because it would
appear that moderation in pursuit of prostate health is no virtue.
