Let's say that again: Bernie Madoff got his avaricious ass righteously handed to him, with a freakin' bow on it! The press is agog with word that Madoff has been transferred from his North Carolina prison to a local hospital equipped with emergency services. Prison officials refused to explain the nature of Madoff's medical status, but local TV station WTVD reports that Madoff's injuries are consistent with a condition known as Somebody Just Stomped Your Ass But Good! We're talking facial fractures, broken ribs, and a collapsed lung. Hey Bernie: better hope that hospital's endowment didn't invest with you, know what I'm sayin'?