San Francisco police have now just about concluded that Oakland zionist activist, Critical Mass biker, and gay vegetarian doctor Daniel Kliman died when his elevator got stuck between floors, and he fell down the shaft while trying to climb out. This is probably as close to an official accidental death ruling as we're likely to get. Just in time for bizarro right-wing commentator Debbie Schlussel to call Kliman another victim in the Muslim war against the West! Schlussel's one of those Coulter clones, a blond with a law degree and a theory that the nastier and more offensive your remarks, the more attention you'll get. It's certainly worked well enough to get her in the New York Post, the Wall Street Journal, and the Detroit News. In her latest bit of charm, Schlussel insists that Muslims must have killed Kliman. After claiming that throwing people down elevator shafts is a favorite technique for homicidal Muslims, Schlussel writes, "Coincidence? Sorry, but there are no coincidences. Not ones like this. Gay, a Jew, pro-Israel, and American -- hmmm... a perfect four-in-one target for a Muslim kill. ... The class was canceled, the elevator was secured, the people who taught the class were probably Arab Muslims. And he fell down the elevator 'by accident?'"
This may well be the first time Schussel has felt any sympathy for homosexuals. For years, she specialized in ridiculing WNBA players as dykes and walking freaks of nature. Recently, Schlussel claimed that Janet Napolitano was a closet lesbian, and she couldn't run the Department of Homeland Security as long as someone could use her secret to blackmail her. "Janet, I think the Women's Sports Foundation haircut and the Dinah Shore Classic comfortable shoes kinda gave it away." In any case, thanks for checking in on the Bay Area, Debbie! We were wondering if you ever thought of us!