Don Perata Wants to Throw You a Party

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Mr. Moneybags is at it again! Don Perata, the man who never saw a campaign contribution he couldn't quietly transfer to his legal defense fund, is throwing a massive fundraiser for the Democratic Party this weekend. Dubbed the "Pro Tem Cup," the event is a high-class golf and barbecue weekend at the Four Seasons Resort Aviara near San Diego. According to the Sac Bee, contributions will range from $10,000 to the $50,000 "platinum" package, which nets you golf and accommodations for four people over two days, as well as a special "evening with Don Perata." But we deployed our crackerjack investigative team and discovered that for just a few tens of thousands more, the eager Democratic donor can get so much more from the Don. The results of our exhaustive, sure-to-win-a-Pulitzer investigation after the jump:

$60,000: Foot rubs, foot rubs, foot rubs!

$70,000: You get to draw a warm bath, sip hot toddies, and curl up with your very own copy of Perata's FBI file.

$80,000: Hookers, hookers, hookers!

$90,000: Sandi Polka will run your next campaign.

$100,000: Fourteen acres of Oakland waterfront land, and a notarized promise from the City Council to greenlight your plans to build a forty-story luxury hotel.

$120,000: You personally get to carjack Don Perata. And keep the silver-plated .45 as a token of his undying friendship.

Now that's a party!

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