Oakland Street Dealers Store Drugs Up Their Butts

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Say you're dealing drugs on the street. Say you don't want to be arrested. "If a cop comes snooping, the dealer can swallow the evidence," explains "Dr. H" at HeroinHelper.com. "The balloons protect the drugs inside because rubber is not digested; after swallowing, the dealer can vomit them back up (if it hasn't been too long) or defecate them out." Good to know!

"For those smuggling large amounts of drugs," Dr. H adds, "the anus is the typical location. There is no reason that it cannot be used for smaller amounts on a day to day basis." (Well, that's a relief!) "In order to do a cavity search, the officer must take you into custody. This means that under normal circumstances, the anus is a very safe place to hide drugs for a short period of time."

That explains why students at the Oakland Police Department's Citizen Police Academy — a thrice-yearly program designed to teach residents the department's roles, capabilities, and limitations —were told on a visit to the OPD's drug lab that the samples it handles are often ... well, full of shit.

As one attendee reported to her neighborhood watch group: "The drug testing technician told us that often drugs are stored in body cavities of those selling them, and therefore that some of the drugs that they confiscate have fecal matter and other liquids/materials from 'down there' in them. She says that some of the marijuana she has tested has had pubic hair in it."

(Indeed, Dr. H also points out that females have an extra "hiding place.")

"This is information all kids should hear," writes the crime-conscious Oaklander. "If they are not sufficiently discouraged from using drugs by what they've heard so far, knowing where some of the drugs have been may help put them on the right side of the law."

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