Top Ten Ways for East Bay Bands to Take Advantage of Trash Impasse

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10. Use high-sensitivity mic to record distinct sound of rotting garbage. Sample and remix for next single. 9. Milk carton + rubber band = some sort of guitar, I guess. 8. Lock club doors, then assault apathetic audience members with orange peels. That'll get 'em going. 7. Piece together backing band from replacement garbage men. Some may have real talent. 6. Cover "Waiting for the Man" with new lyrics immortalizing your permanent gaze to the curb. 5. Tell your drummer you think you accidentally left a $100 bill at the bottom of the trash bin. 4. Gather used pillows and mattresses for future romantic encounters on the road. 3. Be thankful it's distracting fans from the fact that your last album was a serious letdown. 2. Wear large black trash bags at your next gig. Just do it. 1. Why pay ridiculous prices at Goodwill when you can get perfectly nice used clothes for free?

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