by David Downs
Mr. Teeth, a five-foot-long dwarf caiman owned by Castro Valley resident and suspected weed dealer Assif Mayar, has died in the custody of the Oakland Zoo.
Alameda County sheriff's deputies checking on the parolee Mayar Tuesday found the caiman — essentially an alligator, in layperson's terms — in a plexiglass box in Mayar's bedroom. The Castro Valley house contained about 34 pounds of marijuana, leading to numerous reports that Mr. Teeth was somehow guarding the weed from his small plexiglass box. Vets at the Oakland Zoo said 16 year-old Mr. Teeth was very sick when deputies found him, and he died Wednesday night.
Mayar — who was living in the home with his wife, two small children, illegal exotic caiman and a whole bunch of weed — is charged with possession of marijuana for sale and animal cruelty. He said he bought the caiman to commemorate the 1996 death of rapper Tupac Shakur.
We hope they throw the book at this dumbass.