The hue of the cherry fades too quickly from sight. White chrysanthemums on dewdropped mountains bow to the sun. Madonna records with Britney Spears, and night falls under winter’s blanket.
Here are the worst records of the year in haiku:
Lou Reed The Raven
Mystery solved: Why
quoth the raven, “Nevermore?”
He heardeth this joint.
Nick Lachey SoulO
Oh SoulO Heel-o,
de un boy band profundo.
Damn, my wife’s a dolt.
Russell Crowe Other Ways of Speaking
Billy Bob Thornton Edge of the World
Hey, esteemed actors:
Man, you ought not sing like ‘at.
Just ask Bruce Willis.
Liz Phair Liz Phair
Windy Chicago,
one of your children has flown
‘mid Sheryl Crow’s flock.
Jewel 0304
“Swish, gurgle gurgle!”
Sound of Nemo finding dad?
Jewel’s career flushed.
Metallica St. Anger
Sober metalheads
are “The Thing That Should Not Be.”
(Well, that and Bob Rock.)
Lisa Marie Presley To Whom It May Concern
Girl, dad’s stillborn twin
was more talented than you.
Stick to divorcing.
Kid Rock Kid Rock
Hey, here’s an idea:
Scream chorus of any song!
Instant Kid Rock hit!
Peaches Fatherfucker
Granny was so wrong.
Peaches cannot be preserved.
Can spoil in one year.
Erasure Other People’s Songs
Ol’ Confucius say:
They who cannot make comeback,
record cover songs.
Limp Bizkit Results May Vary
Though this pick is like
shooting fish in a barrel,
I could not resist.
David Lee Roth Diamond Dave
Now here’s a surprise:
This record isn’t so good.
Diamond D shits coal.
Whitney Houston Just Whitney
Whitney, dear Whitney,
you’ve become a Too $hort song.
Get it together.
